If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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