I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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