I wish my penis had an off switch
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
