It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
