I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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