Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
