That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
