Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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