Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
