I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
