he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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