I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
