His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
