marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
