i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
