i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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