I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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