Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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