So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
