If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
