Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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