I looked at my own cervix.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
