so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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