Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
