What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
