His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Let's paint friendship bongs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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