I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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