Im at strip club and am horny
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
