found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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