a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
