nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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