you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
