thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
