based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
