The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
