Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
