Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
