I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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