omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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