I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
