No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
