Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
