I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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