I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
