Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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