I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
