Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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