you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
