Is it because I queefed?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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