There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
