your thong is hanging out like whoa
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
