Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
