I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
