He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize