My friends, they love my intelligence
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Randomize
