: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
