I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
