He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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