I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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