Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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