Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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