I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize