Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
